Having the gay money talk
‘How do I get my partner to talk about money’ is the most frequent question. So, let’s tackle the gay money talk, adding a rainbow flavor to finance.
Hear how a queer advisor had the gay money talk with her wife:
The reality of gay financial planning
In 2013, Cathy and her partner at the time, Karla Arguello, were one of six same-sex couples selected to sue Florida’s Clerk of Courts for the right to marry. An exciting story made for the movies, Cathy shares how circumstances led to her and her now wife, Karla, being the first same-sex couple to marry in Florida. This is the first step Cathy and Karla took to help our LGBT family in Florida take a step toward equality.
Cathy shares her and Karla’s financial considerations before and after marriage, including health benefits, child adoption credits, and health club memberships. All people, including queer couples, should consider these considerations before and after marriage.
Cathy and Karla later filed another suit against Florida for refusing to allow Cathy’s name on her children’s birth certificates. Cathy and Karla won that case and helped our LGBT family in Florida take another step toward equality.
Gay financial planning
As a financial advisor and a trailblazer for the queer community, Cathy can provide unique insight into LGBT financial planning for single people, partners, and spouses.
Cathy created a video with our friends at GuideVine that lays out what you should know about queer financial planning.
Cathy shares her and Karla’s financial considerations before and after marriage, including health benefits, child adoption credits, and health club memberships. Cathy even shares an experience with Karla while standing in the grocery aisle discussing the importance of olives.
Cathy and Karla later filed another suit against Florida for refusing to permit Cathy’s name to be on her own children’s birth certificates. Cathy and Karla also won that case and further advanced the rights of LGBTQ folks in Florida.
How to have the gay money talk
Do you and your partner have the gay money talk regularly?
Disagreements about money are the third most common reason for couples splitting. The second most common reason is intimacy. Talking about gay money will solve both problems and keep your partnership together.
Too often, our financial conditions and how we’ll manage money as a partnership are an afterthought. But it doesn’t take long for mismanagement, poor financial decisions, and financial infidelity to become the dominant thought.
The shame is that just talking about money often helps couples manage their money better to mitigate or eliminate financial stress. Also – and this is a big one – gay couples who talk about money are 54% more likely to report having better sex lives than couples who don’t talk about money.
What money matters should gay couples consider before, during, and after marriage? Cathy shares a well of information on episode 24 of the Queer Money® podcast.
How do you start the gay money talk? Here are 5 tips:
- Blame us
- Have the money talk in public
- Focus on your individual and mutual hopes and dreams first
- Back into how you’ll reach those hopes and dreams
- Revisit the money-talk monthly
Watch us dive deeper 5+ years later on the best tips to have the gay money talk with your partner:
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We’re David and John Auten-Schneider, the founders of Debt Free Guys and creators of the Queer Money® podcast. We help queer people (and allies) achieve financial, relationship, time, and location freedom by helping them architect their Wealth Builder’s Pyramid.