How to talk about finances in a polyamorous relationship
It’s hard enough to get two people on the same page when it comes to money. So, what do you do when there are three or more people involved?
Hear how to manage polyamory finances
The best approach to polyamory finance
Michelle Waymire is the fiduciary financial advisor behind Young & Scrappy, a platform that offers financial coaching, financial planning and business coaching to young professionals, LGBTQ+ and polyamorous clients. Michelle holds an MBA from the University of Tennessee, and her work has been featured in US News & World Report, Bustle and on Credit.com.
On this episode of Queer Money, Michelle joins us to explain how she defines polyamory and what her own polyamorous relationship looks like. She walks us through the similarities and differences between polyamorous and traditional binary relationships, sharing the advice she gives both couples and polycules around money management. Listen in for Michelle’s insight on poly retirement planning and learn the best approach to initiating the money conversation in a polyamorous relationship.
Topics covered on polyamory finance
How Michelle defines polyamory
- ‘Many loves’
- With the consent of all involved
What Michelle’s polyamorous relationship looks like
- Closed triad (two partners, not dating anyone else)
- Live and own home together
Some common polyamorous vocabulary
- Primary partners = prioritize above other relationships
- Nesting partners = live together
- Polycule = family unit
How polyamorous and binary relationships are similar
- Overlap around wants and needs
- In it because you like each other
What differentiates polyamorous relationships
- More freedom to find intersections with others
- Requires more communication, negotiation
The money management advice Michelle gives binary couples
- Can be combined, separate or anything in between
- Find a system that works for you
How Michelle and her partners handle money management
- Joint account for living expenses (mortgage, groceries, etc.)
- Maintain separate accounts for individual expenses
The financial tools Michelle recommends for polycules
- Find a bank that allows more than two on a joint account
- Use spreadsheets to work out shared expenses
Michelle’s insight on planning for retirement in a poly relationship
- Discuss goals and work to represent the interests of all
- Consider resources available and comfort with sharing
How Michelle thinks about tax benefits and marriage
- Not eligible for one another’s benefits through work
- More money coming in (three incomes, no kids)
- Would consider marriage to minimize the tax burden
Michelle’s advice for starting the poly money conversation
- Start with understanding structure of relationship
- Don’t wait until money crisis to talk about systems